South Africa (Phinda) – Vacation

When I return to the States, I will face what I’ve come to recognize as reverse culture shock, and oddly, that reverse culture shock is greater than the culture shock from arriving on the continent. I do not quite understand the difference except something about returning to a common routine is… well, shocking when everyday is literally a radical experience.
So when I got off the South African Airways flight from Entebbe, Uganda and walked into the main terminal at Johannesburg International Airport, my mind wasn’t prepared for an appetizer to western culture.
Suddenly I’m not in minority, but that seems alien to me. Technology is everywhere and I feel like sitting down to absorb everything. I was told the drive to Phinda Game Reserve is a rough road, but subtract driving manual from the literal right side of the vehicle on the proverbial wrong side of the road, a speeding ticket halfway out to the South African ‘bush’, and trucks making half the designated speed on a one-lane highway, the handful of potholes and windy roads are a Sunday pleasant drive compared to where I came from. Even the eight-hour haul from Jo-burg airport to the game lodge felt like a regular commute to work, minus the persistent freaking out about stalling into 1st gear (seldom happened, in fact, but I think the gear box will need some work).
Roughly 10 kilometers of grated dirt road through darkness, past warthogs and zebra brought me to Phinda Mountain Lodge. I was warmly greeted by the pleasant and confident smile of host-manager, Karen, then directed to my cottage for a brief freshen-up before riding into the reserve for a bush dinner.
Room 21: the bathroom is four times bigger than the thatched roof hut I slept under in Transmara with an indoor and outdoor private shower and stand-alone bathtub. I guess it’s like taking a hand-bath with running hot water. Brilliant!
A soft knock at the door.“Hullo, sir. Are you ready for me to take you to dinner?”
At night, all guests must be escorted on the property in the event a lion or some other ‘Big 5’ animal wanders into the lodge premises. Later, when I would actually ‘camp out’ on the reserve, I wouldn’t have that protection.
“What would you like to see tomorrow, Frank?” Ian, my arranged group’s park guide asked at the dinner table. Two couples, one from the UK and the other from South Africa sat across from each other. I was seated at the head of the table across from Ian.
“I’ve seen pretty much all of the ‘Big 5’ animals, except I would like to see a cheetah.” The ‘Big 5’ include: lion, elephant, leopard, rhino and buffalo; not based on tourist appeal—I had thought giraffe was on that list—but based on the most dangerous animals to hunt back in the day. I can understand the first four, but asking how buffalo made the list, the answer I received summed up explained that a wounded buffalo is extremely vicious. Meaning, if hunting a buffalo, best you kill it on the first shot.
“We haven’t seen cheetah in a while, but that’ll be something to work towards tomorrow morning,” Ian offered.
Although I slept comfortably in Room 21’s pillow queen bed, I couldn’t shake off the awkwardness of sleeping in luxury.

At lunch that afternoon, I met with Ilze, former general manager of the Sossusvlei Mountain Lodge (refer to the first four Namibia blog entries). Ilze and Bryan had moved to Phinda after a short stint at SML, and now conduct training for new rangers into the CC Africa organization (they are undergoing a name change as their lodge expands into India and South America).
“Bryan has a tough life here,” Ilze joked. “He travels to Tanzania, Botswana, Namibia to train rangers and look at wildlife.”
I laughed, “I get the same thing. It’s like a vacation, only I’m operating a camera and working pretty much every day. Admittedly, I can’t imagine myself doing anything different though, but today is the first day in, I don’t know, weeks I haven’t done anything regarding ‘work’.” I lied. Later, on the afternoon game drive, I would bring out the camera even though I said I wouldn’t.
“I’m in a bit of a shock, Ilze.” I took a taste of my drink cocktail. “Not only am I in a bit of a shock, but I guess I’m really sensitive to snob bullshit right now—pardon my language.”
“Oh, tell me. I must hear this.”
“For one, this morning on the game drive we’re following this cheetah and her three cubs and from the looks of things she’s on the hunt for food. I want to see a kill, and this would be just awesome if we could catch something like that, you know. So we loose track of the cheetahs ‘cause the stupid cubs go off chasing some zebra and disappear behind the trees. Ian suggests we look for a little longer than go back to the lodge for breakfast if that’s all right with everyone. Well, everyone’s all for getting some food, and I’m like, ‘What? Screw breakfast. I want to see a kill!” Of course, I just thought that and didn’t say anything given I’m not really a guest. But seriously, it’s not like you can witness a kill anytime.”
Ilze agreed.
“Then all I hear is moaning and bitching at breakfast about the water being shut off. So go wash your hands in the pool or use the bottled water so nicely left for you. C’mon, this is Africa. T.I.A. Be resourceful. I understand they paid hundreds of dollars to stay here, but you’re in the middle of the f-ing bush and shit happens.” I took another taste of my cocktail. “Guess I just see things a little differently now is all.”

Not that I didn’t enjoy being pampered the first two nights, but the real fun was ‘camping’ out with the guide trainees a few kilometers outside the lodge overlooking the reserve’s flood plain. 

‘Camping’ is in quotes because there is running hot water and modern amenities on generator power switched on for a couple hours at night. So not quite roughing it, but living with restrictions. I felt more at home and certainly the company of the trainees made for a fun experience through their practical joking.
My job was to present an applicable introduction to naked eye astronomy for the purposes of entertaining guests during night drives. The night was overcast, so the trainees had to endure a two hour lecture in the conference hall. Drawing from my experience at Sossusvlei Mountain Lodge, as well as a night drive the day before I condensed Astronomy 101 into a dramatic narrative of human insignificance through bright object examples. As with all astronomy lectures, the green laser pointer became the instant star of the presentation.

You know how cats are captivated by a laser dot? How do you think a lion would react to it?” I half-jokingly inquired.

“Hmmm. I don’t know. It would be interesting to try.” Bryan offered.
“I asked Ian that same question on the evening drive yesterday when we were parked beside a lioness and her four cubs, but he suggested trying it when no guests were around.”
A good idea, but unfortunately the experiment will have to wait for my next visit. After my last experience with lions (Namibia – The First), I’ve since evolved like modern man has from throwing rocks to shooting laser beams.